you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
