worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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