did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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