Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
