My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
