did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
