I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
