please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
