I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
accomplished twins. life is a go
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
