i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
a search helicopter?!
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
