wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
