If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
