Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
