Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
