i jhust puked up my retainher.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
