I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
