Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
