Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
