I hope mine doesn't look like that
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
