Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
