My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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