We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
