i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
