arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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