Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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