this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
