remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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