Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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