I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
