I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
