I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
