Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
