the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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