Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
