WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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