so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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