I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
