seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
