Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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