the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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