My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
