my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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