He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
