put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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