you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
