Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
we're making bets on your personal life
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
