at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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