don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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