dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
