2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You made out with two different species that night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
