3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
