I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
